Maid, I’m Not

Here is an embarrassing confession: I don’t think I’ve vacuumed since I was a teenager. And it was probably early teens at that. My family had a housekeeper and I was usually too busy studying to notice if the carpet ever needed cleaning. Heck, I don’t usually notice it now. Just ask Tamara! But here at my in laws, I am required to pitch in whenever and wherever I can. My wife was driving her dad to a doctor’s appointment, and he wanted my mother in law to come as well, so I was going to be home alone for the first time since we’d moved here. Before they walked out, my mother in law asked me if I wouldn’t mind cleaning a little.

Really? That’s a bit like asking me if I’d cook dinner. Unless you want microwavable containers of mac and cheese or ramen noodles, I am NOT your guy. It took me 20 minutes to even find the vacuum (for future reference, it is in the hall closet. When I told Tamara this later, she looked at me like I had two heads. Apparently that is the FIRST place you are supposed to look, because if a house has a hall closet, chances are there are coats, various other types of weather gear and vacuums. This is a thing, a thing that I was blissfully unaware until now. Anyway, once I found the super-secret-but-most-common hiding place ever for a vacuum, I brought it over to the carpet.

Then I couldn’t find the on switch. I can perform complicated, hours long surgeries. I have extensive medical training. Yet, for the life of me, I could not figure out how to get the thing to turn on. When I finally saw it, I have no idea how it was so hard to find, and boy did I feel dumb. I got the vacuum going finally and vacuumed every place I could think of. When I went to dump the bin out, I could not believe the amount of dust and hair and who-knows-what was in there. The clearly have the best vacuum cleaner because it works pretty well. I didn’t think the house looked messy or dirty before, but after seeing the fresh vacuum tracks on the floor, I realized what a huge improvement it made. It made me feel a little bad that I never vacuumed the house that Tamara and I lived in; honestly, I wouldn’t have been able to find the vacuum even if she’d asked me to, but I made a promise to myself that if we ever had our own place again, I’d pay more attention to my surroundings and maybe pitch in a little more. Vacuuming the floor inspired me to see what else I could do. I opened a window to let in some fresh air, and then I went down the street and bought the ladies some fresh flowers. I put them in a pitcher I found and put that on the table. The house looked a lot better by the time everyone got home, and they all seemed incredibly appreciative of my hard work.